If your reading this then this is a letter to my 18 year old self. I know how you are feeling right now!
Your life has always been a roller coaster ride, and let me tell you now little lady it hasn’t changed, and your ride as just got bigger and bigger. 8 years on you are starting your over, considering the fact that right now you don’t see yourself getting anywhere. Yes you are in a dark abyss with dark thoughts and dark feelings. You have one very special friend that helps you through this. You have a few very special friends. However this one in particular knew you needed help and convinced you to see a doctor and get some serious help. This will be a big move and help shape the rest of your. You gain confidence and happiness and you realise there are things to live for. You can make it through this. Stupidly you messed up with this friend. You allowed someone to make you block them out of your life, along with all your other friends. Why? Because as usual you wore your heart on your sleeve, you thought you had the stability and structure you always craved for in your life. That didn’t happen.
This may all sound very dismal but your 26 year old self right now is feeling as bad as you do. Let me tell you its swings and roundabouts and you have to step forward to keep going! You have some absolutely incredible experiences ahead of you and you do things you could never have possibly dreamed of. You actually go to university. Yes that is right. You make an incredible bunch of friends. Your forever London buddy who will always be there for you and it will be like nothing ever happened. All throughout university you work your fricking ass off. I mean part time jobs and internships as well as studying. You make the absolute most bestest friend and she is like a ray of sunshine. You and your cousin get even closer and he becomes one of your most favourite people in the world. You create the coolest clique the 3 of you. You must never let go of that. No matter what happens do not let these people out of your life. The love is not worth it. The stability is not there. You will forever kick yourself.
Your aunty and uncle are your rock, and a HUGE reason for where you are today. You dont give them enough credit and must make more time for them, as they are two of the most important people in your life. They took you in and took care you when you were so lost. They persuaded you to go to uni and helped you through so many dark time. Nothing beats Aunty V’s cuddles. Your cousins grow to be the most wonderful and intelligent young ladies and although you strayed from them they still love you with all the heart. Your dad becomes and little less nuts and you mum more! Your relationship with your mum grows strong, stronger than its been before, and yo will always be your papa’s girl. There is one friend that never gives up and keeps on fighting for you year after year, although you’ve disappointed her so, you will find a way to make it up. Your nana becomes your best friend and you cherish your moments together. You wished you managed to go to Africa, you miss your uncle dearly he is just as nuts as you! Once your sorted you will save up and relive some African memories!
You do amazing things. You meet Ed Sheeran before he is HUGE, you work with so many cool DJ’sand artists and look after them. You work in Croatia and do not worry your shoulder is not broken skip the scary Croatian hospital. You work with Coca Cola and its the funest job you will do and it will shape your career! You loved travelling with the Christmas truck even though its so tiring. Yet this experience sends you to France where you get paid the best wage of your life! You also improve your French, make a great friend and can you believe it go paragliding. You move to London and get a great job, you also attend a music course with Capital XTRA, yeah thats cool. You go to London and become a cool person! A trendy. A hipster. Then you work in Iceland and smash it and love the fact it does not get dark!
Then you fall in love, you become completely besotted, but darling things are not right. Save yourself the pain. I know the affection and emotions you are craving, but its just not worth the pain! The feeling you feel now, after all those incredible experiences you do not want to feel it again. Even if you do not heed my words, you bounce back like you always do girl! You get yourself a sweet job straight away, your brother takes you in, the big softy. Yes you wouldn’t think he is a big softy now ha! but he finds a girl and it changes everything. All there is left is to make a mends. Contact all those incredible people in your life that made it amazing and do whatever you have to to get them back. They are what makes you, you and you have missed them and need them. You will find out they ave missed you too.
So my darling as you are lying there swirling in dark thoughts, read this and see what you have achieved! Its fricking amazing. You never thought you would get here and you did. Things get better and things get worse, but your family and friends love you and life is worth it.